Whether you’re new to the Boston area or just haven’t quite gotten the knack of the local driving madness, er, rules, this brief refresher will help you navigate your Nissan Altima, or whatever car you happen to be driving, safely through Boston streets. Well, it will help you navigate the streets, anyway.
Remember, you have the right of way. This is the most important traffic law in Boston. Unfortunately, it’s not written down, but anyone who survives, er drives the streets and freeways in Boston for long learns this simple rule. Repeat to yourself, until it comes second nature, “I have the right of way.” You always have the right of way. It’s the law. Of course, since the law is, “I have the right of way,” every other idiot, er driver on the road thinks he has the right of way. In which case, if you’re driving a Nissan Murano or Nissan Sentra around Boston, you’re going to be glad for those anti-lock brakes. There’s just no getting away from crazy drivers in Boston.
One of the most difficult maneuvers in Boston traffic is the merge. You’ve probably seen nightmare merges as you drive around in your Nissan XTerra, feeling smug that your vehicle is built like a tank. There’s only one way to handle a bad merge. Don’t let it happen. When you see a merge lane ahead, you should immediately glue your front bumper to the back bumper of the car in front of you so that no one can merge in front of you.
As you can see, driving in Boston can be very stressful for a newby. You’ll want to relax while you’re driving. One of the best ways to do that is to text, but leaning over to fiddle with the stereo controls or the air conditioning works just as well. For the most part, talking on your cell phone using a headset is worthless for relaxation. Holding the handset while you talk is better. Eating soup, with a spoon, not a straw, is a great way to take some stress and anxiety off, and so is reading the newspaper. If you play a musical instrument, such as French horn or bass guitar, that is a very relaxing way to pass the time while driving.
If you’re driving a Nissan Juke in Boston, your problems in traffic will be far less, for a couple of reasons. First, because it’s such a small car, you can duck around or even under some of the more annoying drivers. Second, because the Juke is so cute, people will look it in the headlights, go “Awwwww” and forget they were mad, at which point you duck under or around them in your cute little Nissan Juke.